Using the logic of the politician and government arithmetic, a new bank is proposed for introduction in 2009.  The new bank will meet the needs of many people.  Sharing of resources is the basic operating principle.  Equal treatment of all depositors is guaranteed by the bank charter.

Compassionate bank officers, driven by the belief that all depositors should receive equal treatment, have something for everyone.  The redistribution of deposits is the most anticipated benefit of the new bank.  On the last day of each month, the deposits from all customers will be equally divided among all active accounts.  An account is considered active if it has a balance of at least one dollar.  Inability to maintain a larger balance will not be a factor in the redistribution process.  New accounts must be opened not later than the thirteenth in order to qualify for the redistribution.

In order to attract customers, officials plan to take the bank to the people.  Sign-ups will be done at malls, churches, even street corners.  Civic organizations will be offered incentives to find new customers.  Volunteers will be organized in special “customer drives” to get the word out about the new banking venture. 

User friendly loan policies will be the standard of the new bank.  Because of the sensitive nature of individual financial information, ability to repay will not be a major factor in loan decisions.  The bank anticipates no default loans because no redistribution of deposits will occur until all loans are brought current.  One official admitted that there is the possibility that default loans will have negative impact on individual account balances but because the bank cares so much for people, it is only right that larger depositors help those who are less fortunate.

Bank officials will announce the sale of stock in the new bank and that there will be a number of shares made available at no charge to those who cannot afford the twenty dollar per share initial offering.  Community activists pointed out that it was about time the little guy had a chance to own a piece of a bank.

Those who can, are encouraged to make frequent, large deposits in their accounts but would also be subject to more stringent loan requirements.  The name of the bank will be Everyman’s Bank.  The Working Man’s Bank was considered but because the title implies that only men work and does not define what men are, the name was quickly rejected.  Contact the new bank at 1-800-WEQ-UAL$ for more information.